The Real Housewives Of New Jersey Recap: When Chairs Fly
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Like rhinestone cowgirls, The Real Housewives Of New Jersey formed a posse and sought street justice at the Posche Fashion Show. Ahh. It feels like old home week! That warm holiday spirit just fills the air when grown women decide to throw things at each other by way of Kim DePaola’s annual event honoring her strip mall boutique. While Teresa Giudice, Danielle Staub, Margaret Josephs, and Melissa Gorga went head to head with Kim, Siggy Flicker and Dolores Catania stood by, hoping not to get grazed by an airborne chair/glass/plate/flat screen TV.
But first, Margaret needs to redecorate her house. Interior designer Joyce comes over to take a look at the 1960s projection screen and ballrooms-turned-dining-turned-living-rooms. Joe the contractor is apparently not keeping up with Marge’s needs – at least outside of the bedroom. Marge and her mumu want changes NOW! Yes, there will be velvet on the walls! There will be bedazzled curtain rings! And Joyce promises it will be finished before Margaret returns from Italy in two weeks. Also, Margaret wants Joe to know about Kim D and all of her wily ways, as if Joe the contractor gives a flying fig about this phantom menace.
Over at the Gorga residence, Joe is missing his mom. He’s even called a psychic medium to come over in the hopes of connecting to his mom in the afterlife. Melissa is skeptical, and Teresa hasn’t even been told yet! When Melissa tells Joe about the latest dirt Kim D.’s been spilling, his non-reaction says it. All. It’s like, Kim WHO? Nobody cares about that Walking Dead extra. Joe is shocked that Siggy and Dolores are supporting Kim by walking in her fashion show, though. “It’s like supporting an animal!” he declares while preparing to eat raw meat with his bare hands.
It’s prep time for the Posche fashion show in North Bergen, NJ. The entire 60-mile radius of spray tanning establishments have been conscripted, prom dresses have been assembled, and large curling wands are brandished. Give us strip mall fashion or give us DEATH! When Siggy and Dolores arrive to be made up for the show, they tell Kim about Teresa’s reaction to hearing the cheating gossip. Kim thinks no one wants to believe it because it’s true, not realizing that – actually – no one ever believes her, like, ever.
Since she can’t be trusted as a reliable source, enter Lina, the hairdresser. Curling wand in hand, she regales the ladies with a little story about Teresa and another guy “being touchy feely” the other night. Lina and Kim embrace in a Reelz-style reenactment of the scene. Siggy and Dolores aren’t buying it. “HA! Welcome to the Posche fundraiser!” snarks Kim before she gleefully spins around and flits out of the room. Her dirty work here is done…for now.
As Tre’s Fallen Angels get ready for their throw-down, we see Teresa preparing herself for battle. She can hardly wait to confront Kim D semi-live and in person. Danielle is beside herself with excitement too, adrenaline coursing through her veins from the festering anger of Posche Fashion Shows past. The ladies have two objectives: 1) Verbally assault Kim for the sh*t starter she is, and 2) Keep all of their hair. It should be noted that Danielle is also wearing the dress of a million finger-hole-cutouts, so I feel like she could have planned better. That thing has “snatch and drag me” written all over it.
The Hateful Eight-Minus-Four walk in, brass knuckles and cocktails at the ready. Kim spies with her little eye four b*tches who hate her, so she immediately calls Teresa over to hash it out…
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