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On last night’s Real Housewives Of New York, Carole Radziwill and Dorinda Medley take it to the streets, heading to D.C. for the Women’s March, while back in NYC Ramona Singer shellacs her hair back in a tragic Blonde-Ambition-meets-Pinot-and-Ambien look and throws a party with the shadiest guest list she can summon. Ramona’s informant friend Missy, who accused Tom D’Agostino of snogging her in a limo while concurrently being engaged to Luann De Lesseps, is resurrected from her UES cryogenic chamber for the evening to confront the recently married couple. Meanwhile, Tinsley Mortimer continues planning her escape, and Sonja Morgan tries to understand what the hell Frenchie is saying.
We begin with Tinsley and Carole meeting for lunch, where they break Tinsley’s sad situation down: She’s living with an oppressive tyrant and needs to move out. Her mom is coming into town to help her apartment hunt, in fact. Carole and Tinsley were also invited to the Winter Botanical Garden, which solidified them as new “pals” in the social rags. It also helped Tinsley’s socialite comeback tour, which she still sadly imagines is real.
Carole thinks Tinsley should just reinvent herself completely rather than attempt to capture the distant past. But Tinsley wants to keep her long curls and fake lashes and bad choices in men! So, she’s sticking to the plan.
Over at Sonja’s, Frenchie is opening a bottle of wine in his new house. Which is also Sonja’s house. Which is a part-time situation, claims Sonja, because he technically also lives in Paris. Sonja isn’t used to this new living arrangement quite yet, as it requires sharing space and closed-door crapping. Two things Sonja doesn’t have the time nor the inclination to prioritize.
As she and Frenchie lay in bed, he encourages Sonja to let her friends talk! Who cares about the world judging them and their communal defecation rites? He does care about Sonja’s other boyfriend, Rocco, though – but only up to a point. He doesn’t mind if she still sees him because he also has three extra girlfriends. “I love the way you think,” sighs Sonja, who’s found her match – someone who doesn’t give a rip who she smooches in public. (Wait – are Rocco and Luann essentially the same person?!)
At Ramona’s, she’s cheering her newly-renovated face apartment, planning a cocktail party to celebrate. She’s inviting all of the ladies – including Bethenny Frankel, who she claims to “still like.” Um, despite hating her?
Apartment hunting time! (Oh please, show us some amazing real estate, RHONY. You owe us for dragging us through the Tom/Luann saga for A YEAR!!!) Tinsley and her mom are on Bleeker and 11th, checking out a 1,500-square foot, $9k per month property. You know, just a little 4-bedroom crash pad for a girl to rest her curls between step and repeats. Tinsley quickly glosses over the fact that she’s got a job and TONS of family money, so cost is no issue. And this, my friends, is why Sonja Tremont Morgan deeply resents young Tins. Girlfriend has not fallen on hard times, no matter what she claims.
Hooray! Carole’s long-suffering, broke-down couch is about to get recovered! It’s been a long time coming, but, as her fabric consultant suggests, whatever fabric they use, it will be destroyed instantly by these animals unless she gets this litter box under control. Carole dumbly suggests wrapping tinfoil around the couch feet as a preventative measure.
When Adam walks in, Carole reminds us how happy she is living alone again. She also wants to get the last of Adam’s possessions out of her space – Buddha heads, food containers, sh*t in the corners of closets – IT ALL MUST GO! Adam laughs off her pushiness, reminding us that 1) maybe he truly just doesn’t give a toss about this relationship, or 2) Carole is paying for his new apartment. I refuse to accept a third possibility!
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